Niraj Shah!
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
I have a few Google Wave invites thanks to the excellent Jennifer Morris. If you want one just reply with your email address. So, who wants an invite?
This is everything that’s wrong with Twitter. Am I the only one aware that Twitter was made to work with standard cell phone text messaging inputs? Marketing a computer that’s ‘Perfect for Tweeting!’ actually sickens me.
Back in the late 90s/early 00s some company put out a device with the sole purpose of reading and sending emails. It consisted entirely of a keyboard, an LCD display, and a dial-up modem. Users would pay for the thing and then have to pay a small monthly subscription service to use it. It was marketed towards old people as a simple, easy to use alternative to those spooky newfangled computermatrons all the kids were into. It was a massive failure.
In High School I had been working at a Circuit City Express. At the time these email machines were on sale for $100, with a $100 dollar rebate, and no service fee. Circuit City was literally giving them away.
On day three morbidly obese women came into the store asking for “a computer that ONLY does email”. I showed them the thing and explained how it was basically free and that it was exactly what they were looking for. For whatever reason they didn’t believe me, and I had to spend the next 20 minutes trying to convince them I wasn’t lying.
It turned out these women weren’t just disgustingly fat, they were also phenomenally stupid. It literally said on the box, “This is a device for sending and receiving emails,” yet they still kept asking me if I was ABSOLUTELY sure that it would send emails. They made me call the goddamn main store to verify and they STILL DIDN’T BUY THE FUCKING THING.
After they left, my manager came out from to back room to apologize for leaving me alone with them, because they had been there before and he didn’t want to deal with their shit again. Also, the biggest one of them was confined to a wheelchair, was the largest humanoid thing I have ever seen in real life, and was eating a goddamn Twix bar. I haven’t been able to bring myself to eat a Twix bar ever since. This was over six years ago. That’s how terrible I found the entire experience. Also, they all smelled awful.
A little later I went to the main store and realized why they might have been confused: all of the computers on sale were being advertised as “Perfect for Email!”.
Thing is, the ads were absolutely right. Every single one of those computers were perfect for Email. That’s what you fucking do on a goddamn computer. A year later they would be perfect for MySpace. A year after that they would be perfect for YouTube. A computer connected to the internet is perfect for any web application.
But people who aren’t tech oriented probably wouldn’t make the connection between these services and the internet. The words “Facebook” and “Twitter” are tossed around just about everywhere in popular culture, but nobody ever says “look up my profile online on the internet website www.facebook.com”. And if you don’t instinctively make the connection between a service like Twitter and the internet, you’re probably less inclined to understand the exact function of it. I’ve been asked by my mom on a couple occasions how much it costs for me to put my videos on YouTube, and how long they’ll let me keep them up before they delete them. My mom isn’t stupid or fat like those horrible, horrible she-devils from the worst work day of my teenage life. She just doesn’t know because she rarely goes online.
If, for some crazy ass reason, she one day up and decides that she wants to get on Twitter (once again, this is a hypothetical), she probably wouldn’t ask for a smart phone or a web enabled device. She’d probably ask for something that can use Twitter (or more likely she’d ask for a computer. My mom isn’t THAT out of the loop).
If Dell actually built something like the email machine but specifically for Twitter, that would be borderline retarded. But if insisting a cheap laptop is perfect for Tweeting (which is true) is going to help them move a few more units, why wouldn’t they?
Holy shit this got long. I guess what I’m trying to say is, if you’re so fat that you’re confined to a wheelchair, don’t eat candy bars you disgusting drain on humanity.
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Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
Amy, what the fuck?
“Access over a million books.” Hysterical! That is some comedy gold right there.
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Sup.
OK Lesley sent in this dog thats sitting in a chair Lesley likes capslock and says:
HEY THIS DOG IS SITTING LIKE A HUMAN HAHA VERY GOOD
Thanks Lesley I think you may be right
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Enjoy this documentary about the Beatles made 1000 years in the future.
